It is with the advice of my husband that I am writing now about my writing. As someone who acknowledges her difference in perspective about certain things in life-and who does not really bother to explain herself much-I would finally try to shed a light on some of the most misunderstood things about me and my writing.
Writing comes easily to me. I write about anything under the sun (or moon) and I get inspired by almost any word/phrase that speaks to me at certain moments. For example, I can get so inspired by a movie, a song or a dream that I compose pieces right away without much thought. Certain words trigger instant recollection of memories, even with just a mention of a favorite thought; and so writing, in a way, comes naturally and quickly to me. Thus, pieces accumulate fast in my personal notes and private files.
It is, however, highly important that only a few pieces will reach the public through my platforms. I use my name in things that I write and I only have one profile in each. If anyone “sounds” or as far as poses to be me, then they are either using a different account as an imitation of mine, or they hacked my own and posted in my name. I wonder why some people would do that but it is definitely done out of disrespect, at the very least.
I also want to make it clear that when I post in public about a person (especially if name-dropped), I do so with my name at the end as well, and all in my own public profile. I know how it is to be gossiped/talked about (my name dropped) at least once, by unknown persons, and made to appear worse than I already am through suggestive pieces/discussions. I say this because there had been assumptions that some public posts/topics that contain a certain name were all assumed to be written by me, even when some of them were done anonymously. I think it is a terrible mistake to assume that I am every one of those writers when, in fact, I was none. There are many writers out there, and I have a very specific style and reservations with regards to my writing. It is also presumptuous to judge my character through public posts, by people who do not know me.
Some of my private notes/letters written in confidence (even words in my own voice and style) were also exposed to an unintended audience, somehow. As I said earlier, I value my privacy (even when I have nothing much to hide since my soul is so transparent, and honesty has always been a personal policy). In fact, I take much longer than the process of writing itself to decide whether to post something or just leave them in my private notes, simply because I feel responsible for anything I say in public. I am paranoid, too, so that adds a bit of drama, usually. Moreover, I use metaphors and symbolism too often; any writing of mine can be easily taken out of context and misinterpreted. I know writers can relate to this. It matters to me to have a choice on what my audience see and hear about.
I am not totally a victim; I have made mistakes and committed wrongs that caused some of the horrible things that happened to me. Those are things I regret doing and was deeply humbled for. Some, but not all, are results of my own folly and recklessness. It is the reason why I had been in hiatus with regards to my public posts and activity. Though, of course, some things have been blown out of proportion, and I have seen face-to-face an ugly side of human nature. There had been some form of bullying and ruining of my reputation. I have been deeply damaged by that so I took a break in my online presence to reconsider my actions and to figure out how to get back to my normal routine without fear of being misread/misunderstood again; but then, in the end, it may be of no use. Some things cannot be amended but there is hope that some things can change as long as there is another day.
In all this, though, I do accept that there will always be people who would hate me and talk behind my back. I will also inevitably offend some people in things I write because of some of my opinions and views. It is part of giving and sharing to be rejected and judged.
Hopefully, I can really fully go back to writing as I have when I started. I write for so many people, because I get inspired by human behavior. Some love me for it, while others despise me. As long as I am being read, I guess, I am still making a difference.
I will continue writing because despite the evil I have seen (within me and without) these past few weeks, I think I can rightfully say that there is enough reason to still continue inspiring and encouraging people through words and expressed emotions. Even my sad pieces can make an impact in another person’s life. The Lord has been so gracious to me and it is with the same grace that I am going to endure the next writing challenges, come what may.
I write because I still believe in goodness and I am not easily giving up on people. Plus, deep inside, I know that I still believe the goodness of God in me. I am not giving up on myself either.
I hope I will be brave enough to put into practice what I have just written. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to those who continually support me.